In my “About Me” section of this blog, I shared that these entries are an attempt to develop a healthier relationship to writing after getting my doctorate. I decided a blog post to explain may be helpful for those interested.
Anyone familiar with academia will tell you that writing is a significant part of the job. The phrase “publish or perish” comes to mind. I’ve always enjoyed writing, so I never anticipated struggling mentally regarding writing. Let me explain…
Pre-kids, writing, especially in school settings, was one of my favorite things. I’d skim syllabi to see what types of papers I’d get to write during the semester and often help friends with theirs. I never stressed about papers. I rarely had writer’s block. I genuinely enjoyed every aspect.
Then came kids. When I started my PhD, my oldest was 2 years old, and I was pregnant with my second son. I was a tad nervous about handling the logistics of work, life, and school, but I had a great support system.
I handled weekly writing assignments well, even with adding another baby during my 2nd year in school. Then came my dissertation. A dissertation takes a tremendous amount of time and energy. I consider myself to be academically inclined and yet it still proved to be a challenge. I was truly invested in my topic and enjoyed the interview portion of my research, but writing went from being something I loved to something that left me feeling guilty and like a horrible mother. My husband was so supportive and knew the effort that needed to be put into my writing, and that if I was near the kids, I wouldn’t be able to focus on writing. This often meant he would take the kids out of the house, either to a fun activity or outside if the weather was nice. The problem was that despite the kids being with my husband, I still felt as though I was missing out on time with them, and I became extremely resentful toward the process of writing. It felt like every minute I spent writing was a minute I took from my kids. Mom-guilt had flooded the writing process, and while it took a toll on me mentally, I used it as motivation to finish my PhD as quickly and efficiently as possible. While I know that writing will always be a significant component of my career, I’m looking to develop a writing schedule of sorts, that works around the quality time I have planned with my family. So, here’s to getting back to my love of writing!
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